So, I haven’t bothered to
blog in a while. I mean, what’s the point? I have the same old tired shit to
say, and no one reads it anyway. Not that I try to get anyone to read it,
because I’m too embarrassed that I’m such a loser.
12 days left of 2011. I am
seriously counting them down. I am physically ill, psychologically damaged,
emotionally ruined and so exhausted that I can’t believe I’m not dead yet.
I’ve really been trying to
just let it all go… you know, get past my ego, my pride and all that, and
surrender to the Higher Purpose, the Plan, The Will of the Universe, God, who
or whatever. But I’m having a really hard time with it. I’m having a hard time
trusting.
I am faithless. I am without
faith. I am devoid of hope. I keep thinking it can’t keep getting darker;
sooner or later, some ray of light simply must sneak in – but it doesn’t.
It is darker and darker and
darker and dark.
I would give anything to stop
loving the man I hate so much.
“Still I wish there was
something you would do or say, to try and make me change my mind and stay…”
~Bob Dylan |
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