January 1, 2012
I resolve to actually make
some resolutions. I don’t usually bother, since I feel like I’m setting myself
up for disappointment.
This year is different. I’m
going to make a few resolutions as an act of faith and/or desperation.
I can honestly say that 2011
was the worst year of my life. I’ve had worse things happen to me in other
years, but I’ve never had SO MUCH crap piled on me in one year. It’s
unbelievable. I’ve lived on some horrible fright-coaster, threatened, betrayed,
heartbroken and hurt beyond imagination.
So now I know, things have to
change. They just have to. It’s time. So it’s time for a perspective shift,
because I can’t stay in this place; I can’t keep trying to figure out a way to
kill myself and make it look like an accident so no one will think I’m rude and
inconsiderate. Plus I can only handle so many worried looks and interventions.
So, I resolve to savor every
bite. Food is not a curse or an inconvenience, it’s a blessing. And you pretty
much die without it.
Which is why I also resolve
to visit my local food bank at least once every month to donate bags of food – because
some people go hungry… And that’s not cool.
I resolve to honor the
amazing beauty in women, and even more I resolve to include myself in that
list. I resolve to honor the Goddess.
I resolve to give myself a
damn break once in a while.
I resolve to buy some damn
clothes. Finally. Pretty ones.
I resolve to deal with my
mail phobia. And maybe my male phobia.
I resolve to wear more
lingerie – even if I don’t have someone in my life that wants to look at me in
it, I’ll know it’s there underneath my clothes, and it will make me feel sassy.
Maybe I’ll dance around my house in it.
I resolve to appreciate all
the truly amazing people that I have in my life, that have loved me, stood by
me, put up with my whining, screaming, crying and despair. To those of you that
have the courage to still be standing next to me, the ruins of my life, and the
madness of my sadness… thank you. I resolve to love you even more.
I resolve to find my way back
to hope, to let go of whatever else I need to let go of to get to the next
adventure. I resolve to trust the process again; to reclaim my faith.
I resolve to strut. Walking
is for sissies.
I resolve to go with the flow…
So bring on the flow 2012, I’m
counting on you. 2011 didn’t leave you much to work with, but I believe we can
salvage something from the ruins of my Self, and build something smart and sexy…
and freaky like I like it. "Bring on the wonder, bring on the song." ~Susan Enan, Bring on the Wonder |
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